My weight has been an issue ever since I was a pre-teen. It started off with just a cute little pot belly. The little pot belly slowly started growing though. By my Freshmen year of high school I was heading in to full fledge double-chin mode!
Upon really seeing the change in my body...that summer after Freshman year I started walking Lake Scranton with some friends. I also did a lot of walking in general because I couldnt drive yet. When I started my Sophomore year...I was back down to nearly a single chin...and quite happy.
I still had a pot belly....but it wasnt as bad lol. The ladies noticed me more during my Sophomore year! (Lets keep in mind...this was when I was still "straight") ;) LOL. My semi-slim down was only temporary though...as Junior year slowly welcomed back the double chin.
By the time I graduated high school I think I weighed around 240/250 pounds. It sucked..but it only got worse.
I definitely put on the "Freshman 15"...and then some during my 4 years in college. College definitely had its fair share of ups and downs for me emotionally which contributed to my weight gain.
Looking back in retrospect...I know a lot of the emotional issues I had during this time period were due to the growing frustration of hiding my sexuality. I know this is a completely different topic...but it definitely plays a role into my weight. Even though I didnt come out until after college...it weighed heavy on my mind during college for some reason. I guess because I was becoming an adult and was growing tired of hiding. A few short months after I graduated college, I finally made the decision it was time to begin coming out to everyone. It was one of the craziest times of my life. The highest of the highs...and the lowest of the lows. Entering the gay world was not at all what I thought it would be. Here I was thinking....oh this is going to be great! I can finally be myself....I will get to meet people like me....everything will be super awesome! And while part of that is definitely true....I had NO idea that my weight was such a big no-no in the gay world! Bummer for me! This was a really hard time for me. It was like history repeating itself. When I was younger...like growing up pre-middle school...I always felt like an outcast. I didnt feel like I fit in at all. I barely had any friends. It was tough. And now...I'm in this gay world and meeting all of these new people and making these new friends....and almost everyone has a good body. So there I am...in an area full of skinny attractive guys...and Im that token fat funny guy. Ugh. I mean hey...I owned my title!! But I wanted a piece of the other side too. So...I decided I needed to try the weight loss thing again. I joined a local gym....and started dieting like a BEAST! Okay...well not like a beast because beasts are probably pigs....but you get my drift! I lost about 25 pounds in a few months....and then it just stopped.
I changed my routine....tried working harder....but nothing. This of course caused me extreme frustration. This was around Spring time of 2008. It was after this time period that I ended up spiraling out of control with my weight. Within the next 3 years I reached my highest and scariest weight...tipping the scale JUST shy of 300 pounds.
And now the real problems started. I had to go on medication for high blood pressure. I had a fatty liver. Back problems...joint problems...and I was also pre-diabetic. This was when I really got scared. I didn't want to end up like my Dad. For those who don't know about my Dad...to make a long story short...my Dad had a lot of weight issues the last half of his life. He also had other health issues too including diabetes and high blood pressure. In 2003 my Dad decided to have gastric bypass surgery, against everyone's judgement. Somehow he managed to pick a horrible hospital to go to with an equally horrible surgeon. There was a problem discovered the morning after his surgery. Instead of taking the proper steps to correct the problem...the doctor never showed up when nurses continued to make calls with status updates of my fathers health and situation. He had a leak....which when you have a leak after G-bypass surgery...needs to have surgery to repair it OR if surgery cannot be done right away...place a drain in to pool out the leak so its not poisoning your body. None of this was done and by the 3rd day my Dad passed away. It wasnt a good time..but thats a completely different story.
There are a lot of people who think this is an easy way out of losing weight. Sometimes, many years ago, I even thought that. Having been someone that has now gone through it...I can tell you although it definitely does HELP...it is not easy. Those people are not kidding when they tell you that this surgery is only a tool to help you reach your goals. If this were an easy fix-all surgery....Id already be an Ellen underwear model!
As my first year anniversary approached I was down around 70 pounds. I couldn't believe the change!
One of the biggest challenges for me..and I'm sure countless others who battle weight issues...is keeping the motivation and fighting your inner "weight" voice. The biggest realization I made throughout this whole journey is that I would never have been successful had I not worked on and fixed the inside first. Fixing the inside was the real battle for me. Becoming comfortable with myself...accepting myself, who I am, and how I look was the greatest challenge. And of course sometimes I still have my insecurities...who doesnt? But I have been in a very good and happy place for some time now...and without being there...the success of my current weight loss would have never been possible. I think that is something a lot of people dont understand. You have to fix those inside issues first before you can begin preparing the outside to match. Think about it. You can have the most beautiful house in the world...but if the foundation is poor....it will eventually collapse. You have to have a solid foundation to make you strong enough to take on the "weight" of a task like this. Thats what I believe anyway.
So...my 2 year post-op anniversary is only 7 days away. To be completely honest...I have been having a rough 2 weeks. I am frustrated that after 2 years...I still have not reached my goal. I am currently down 85 pounds from my highest weight....but I am still 25 pounds away from my goal. It doesnt sound like a lot...but it is the HARDEST to lose. When I moved back to Dunmore this past October...one of the first things I did was join Planet Fitness. Prior to that...the summer of 2012 I started to fall off the wagon again and I put on 10-15 pounds. (It varied literally every single day...I am never the same weight 2 days in a row haha) I knew that I could not let this happen though...especially after all I had went through. So...I have been going to the gym pretty regularly for almost 4 months now. 2 months into my new gym journey I hit another minor road block. I had conditioned myself back up to being able to get in some decent running on the treadmill. I got myself up to 5 and a half miles once! (Thats a big deal for me lol) But then I started having issues with my feet. My feet were becoming so numb during running that I literally couldnt run anymore. It felt like my legs were attached to solid blocks. I saw a podiatrist. She gave me some tips. She felt that because my feet were never used to the type of impact that comes with running...that is what was causing the problem...and that I had to slowly ease into running. That problem has gotten much better...so now I am in the process now of trying to re-motivate myself.....and trust me...it is NOT easy. I know I'll get back on my feet though. I am also not a super strict dieter either. I find that when I go on a crazy diet....it only lasts so long and I burn myself out. So although I do treat myself...I try to be more aware of what I am eating and make decent choices. When I go to the grocery store I try not to even buy junk. I try to buy healthy snacks and such.
Thus far though...I am definitely proud of where I have gotten to. I can do things that I was never able to do before....like run down the end of the street without having a stroke...or running in general! HAHA. I have more confidence than I ever used to have. I will always be a work-in-progress...because I think you should always work on yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. I try not to rely on others for motivation...I try to be my own motivation. I want to be responsible for myself. This is one of the reasons why I like going to the gym by myself. I dont want to rely on a gym buddy or anything like that. I find that for me...I am more successful when I put everything on my own shoulders. I also know that I will never have a "perfect" body...and I have come to accept that. I understand that while God blessed me with having this superbly awesomely stellar personality...he didnt have quite enough time to give me the body to match! HA!
So as with everything else...I take this one day at a time. All I can do is hope that as long as I continue to work hard and strive to reach my goal...one day I will see it. And if/when that happens...we're going to the bar for lots of celebratory shots!! So although this is definitely not the end of my weight story...this is all I can leave you with for now!
~Corey Nicholas~
